Wednesday, April 11, 2012

All that he is.

My adjustment to motherhood was not easy, mostly because I had such a different vision of what motherhood would be and who my son would be as a baby. He would be a sleeper and I would be superwoman able to get it all done. I would be one of those mothers who makes organic baby food and takes her easy going child everywhere. Ah... rose colored glasses. Or perhaps first time mother syndrome?

I've slowly learned to embrace it all.

The good.

The bad.

The ugly.

Mostly because what choice did I have?

Even during my overwhelming moments I still had a baby to nurse, a diaper to change, or a cry that needed a cuddle. 

But bottom line, I wasn't the mother I wanted to be because my baby wasn't the baby I thought he'd be. Does that make sense?  I HATED the baby stage oh so much. The give and give and give that a baby demands was almost too much for me.

But I realize now was that during the baby stage I was laying the foundation.

Malone is now a toddler morphing into a preschooler he is exactly who I thought he'd be. He is smart and curious, full of adventure and funny. He wants to go on adventures and read books.

So, I'm finally feeling like the mother I was meant to be. I can do all of these things, and I can do them well.  Even during those moments of toddler turning three power struggles and limit testing, I shine as a mother.

But a part of me feels so guilt for hating the baby stage so much.

13 comments:

  1. Where is the ME in Mommy?April 11, 2012 at 6:13 AM

    Boy do I understand. I even had good sleepers and made the organic baby food and hosted play dates and did the crafts ... but I still didn't just love those sleepless nights and 9 months of smelling like breast milk spit up and changing diaper after diaper (and then laundering said diapers because we used cloth). We've been thinking about whether or not to have #3. If I could have a 3 year old and skip the baby stage, I'd go for it. But right now, I'm leaning toward no because I just don't know if I have two more years of give, give, give that a baby demands in me :) I do feel guilty for just typing that ... I love my children and I wouldn't trade having them for ANYTHING. Just not sure I need another to prove it. Ha!

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  2. Been there! I have so enjoyed my daughter as a toddler. I just don't think I was prepared to enjoy her as a baby. I'm really hoping for a more realistic approach to infancy with my second due in 6 weeks. Otherwise, I'll just look forward to meeting him as a toddler!

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  3. The baby stage is HARD. Lack of sleep and a huge adjustment to a new way of life. I thought I'd do it all, too. Um, no way!

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  4. I hated the baby stage too. I was too tired and overwhelmed to enjoy it. Plus your child doesn't exactly interact with you so they are just takers in that phase. Try not to feel too guilty.

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  5. Oh my this was so me. I imagined a baby who didn't have colic and who was easy and peaceful and that was not the baby I got. I didn't hate the baby stage but it definitely wasn't my favorite phase and yeah I felt guilty.

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  6. StrugglingforeverafterApril 11, 2012 at 6:30 PM

    Good for you! I think every mom has trouble with at least some stage... I can feel nostalgic when looking at the baby pictures but I so don't want to go back there again!

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  7. pocketfullofdinosApril 12, 2012 at 3:28 AM

    We're gearing up for potential 2.0 (trying later on in year). Had I known what was coming after the baby stage was full of awesome, we probably would have changed our game plan a bit so we could get the baby stages all over with ASAP! But I wasn't sure I'd survive....

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  8. pocketfullofdinosApril 12, 2012 at 3:29 AM

    I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way!

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  9. That is really weird, because my next PYHO post next week is going to be about this SAME thing. I told my husband a few days ago that I want another child but I don't want another baby. I just don't love the infancy stage, but once they start walking and talking, I feel like a much better mom. So yes, I'm totally with you on this!

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