Thursday, September 22, 2011

The grass is greeners.

At this time last year I started working on a plan to leave my stay at home mom days and enter the workforce full time. I went back to work on my own terms and I knew it was the right decision for ME- it was 100% selfish. It wasn't about the extra money, although it is nice. It was about carving out a space in my day that wasn't about diapers, naps, or child development.

My one year anniversary of returning back to work is coming up. I believe in the vision of my company, I am satisfied in my job duties and the work is rewarding and fulfilling.


I am uneasy. I am uncomfortable. I am unsettled.

I know I'm not the only mama who has gone back to work out there that feels this way.

Malone is thriving at daycare and I know it is the right place for him. He comes home happy and excited to share his day with us.

We've got the two working parents thing down pretty well. We each know our strengths and use them in the day to day balance of it all. There is a great rhythm to our day.

I'm having a touch of the grass is greeners. I ache for more time with Malone. Will I look back on this season with regret? I'm not sure.

I am conflicted.

And I've decided that it is okay to feel that way.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Where I'm From - a writing excercise.

I am from my grandfather's garden, from New Kids On The Block, and Indian summer.

I am from the house on the black top just outside of town. A house my grandparents worked and saved for to make their own. A house that is now someone else's home.

I am from the knee high by the 4th of July corn and the sweet perfect cherry tomato picked right off the vine.

I am from Come, Lord Jesus be our guest, meatloaf served at holiday meals, and the greatest stories ever retold, from Hartley and Ralph and Rosemary and JoDee.

I am from the inside joke Christmas gift, a post meal nap, and the Easter Eggs hidden in ridiculous places. From sports teams that get your hopes up and the phrase "wait till next year."

I am from the proud, loyal, and stubborn. The hard working, the savers and sage advice givers.

I am from the your love of reading with take you far, because I said so, don't make me pull this car over, and I always have time to go for a walk with you.

I am from the candle lit Christmas Eve church service and songs so familiar they are written on my heart.

I am from the Midwest via Sweden, Kringla, Cream Of XYZ Soup, and Oreo Dessert.

I am from the Papa who fell off the roof and broke his leg because he thought it was a good idea to stand on a bucket instead of use a ladder, the Nana who said "I told you so", and the Papa who thought it really wasn't that big of deal.

I am gone now and planting my roots somewhere else. But I will always be from a postage stamp between four cornfields. From Tastee Freeze, the swimming pool, and Town & Country Days.

I'm linking this up with Mama Kat, thanks for the awesome writing prompt!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Great Purge Of 2011

Things here are messy.

How we got here, I don't know. Actually, I do know. Increased hours at work for me = less of me to go around. I've been focusing on parenting Malone and connecting with my husband. Together, we've managed to keep up on the laundry, the dishes, and putting food on the table.

I think we've done an excellent job given the circumstances.

Our "mess" is part of a larger problem. We have too many things and everywhere you look the clutter is creeping. It is time to purge and pass things on to others who can use it.

I've got several questions currently running through my head as I prepare for The Great Purge Of 2011.

Maybe you can help me answer them.

What should a toddler's (who goes to daycare) wardrobe look like? I love clothes and dressing Malone. I am the queen of the second hand store and his fall wardrobe is huge. I need to prune it.

I have a whole pile of novels to read. Some of these were purchased from my pre-Malone days. Should I keep a few and pass on the rest? At the rate I'm going, they are all not getting read anytime soon.

How many pairs of shoes does a full time work at home mom need?

Stay tuned for the answers as I work through this. And, if you have any tips or suggestions on decluttering, PLEASE leave them in the comments.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

This Magic Moment.....

Everyday is full of magical moments. Life sometimes gives you a big one- a first date, a first kiss, a proposal, a birthday, a new job, a wedding, the birth of a child, etc. Those are moments I will ALWAYS remember.

But the smaller moments are the ones I don't want to forget.

I don't want to forget what it felt like to have Malone follow me around in the supermarket for the first time, pushing his own carriage. He was so excited to choose his own favorites- strawberry milk, granola for Daddy, yogurt, and cheese. Onlookers marveled at how well he listened. I was bursting with love and mama pride as we shopped together.

I don't want to get this face- the face that is perfectly stuck between baby and kid. A toddler who has much to say about the world he lives in.

"I live in Massy-chooo-sets, Papa Grob & Nana B live in Wah-sin-ten, Papa & Nana live in Ellie-noise, Cousin Andrew lives in Pencil-vas-nia."

I don't want to forget this day, when we shared a late afternoon picnic at the beach with extended family. I don't want to forget the way the sun provided a perfect backdrop and how fun it was to throw Malone in the air as high I as I could. I don't want to forget how he laughed and asked for more.

(My sister in law took this picture with my camera, but the idea was mine)

I could go on and on. I could wax poetic about magical moments. I could probably get my friend Tara to write an awesome haiku about them. But instead, I'll stop here and link up with Shell at Things I Can't Say.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Parenting PSA To Myself.

I'm spending the weekend with my extended family. My nephew is six months younger than Malone. My brother in law and sister in law have their own parenting style. It is similar in a lot of ways, but also different.

I care a lot for my brother in law and sister in law, and love my nephew to pieces. It is hard to see them go through some of the same challenges we went through with Malone six month ago. After spending some time reflecting, I realized I've been offering unwanted/asked for advice disguised under the "this is what worked for us" category.

I have always been a "know it all". When I'm speaking with someone and a subject comes up I know something (ANYTHING!) about, I feel an urgent overwhelming desire to share my knowledge with that person. Even if they don't care or didn't ask for my advice. It is an extremely difficult desire for me to reign in.

Unfortunately, this often makes me come across as arrogant. It also makes me seem unlikeable. But the thing is, is that I really am trying to come from a place of love. Really. I am. It just gets lost in translation.

The thing about kids is that they are all different- beautiful, unique, and no two (even twins) are the same. Therefore, a parenting style/advice/tip/whatever that might work for me, might not work for them. After all, my kid is different from theirs.

Lesson learned.